Setting Boundaries:
Creating Your Happy Space
Setting boundaries is essential for living a happier, more fulfilling life.
Nonetheless, many of us still find ourselves wondering how to set boundaries that actually work.
If you’re trying to find a better balance in your life, you can start here by learning how to set boundaries at work, in life, and in love.
Creating boundaries in your relationships with family, with coworkers, and with your partner will let you make space for your biggest success.
Now let’s dive into this guide where you’ll get to know your boundaries, understand them, and create new ones.
Table of Contents
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What are Boundaries?
Plus, why are boundaries important?
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Boundaries & Your Core Values
How your boundaries are connected to your truest self.
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Setting Boundaries
Determining your boundaries and using them in daily life.
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Tools & Worksheets
Continuing the Journey
1. What Are Boundaries?
Part of creating Happily Ever After for yourself is carving out personal, safe space in which to thrive. It feels important to note that you are entitled to personal, safe space.
Unfortunately, most people don’t understand personal space. For this reason, they will attempt to encroach on yours.
You must know how to protect your space so you get what delights the deepest and truest parts of who you are!
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Boundaries protect your personal space.
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Boundaries are about building a fence around who you are, so you don’t become a pushover, a doormat, or lie in bed at night feeling totally unhappy and frustrated because you said yes when you wanted to say no but didn’t know how to do so.
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Boundaries reduce the time you spend on others’ behalf and enable your ability to further your own Happily Ever After.
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Boundaries that align with your top five values enhance what makes you happy and minimizes frustration, disappointment, and unhappiness.
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Setting boundaries is essential for living a happier, more fulfilling life.
Nonetheless, many of us still find ourselves wondering how to set boundaries that actually work.
If you’re looking to live a happier, more fulfilling life, you can start with this step by learning how to set boundaries at work, in life, and in love to create your happy space.
Why are boundaries important?
Boundaries are so important because, as mentioned above, they limit your exposure to behavior that doesn’t align with who you are and who you want to be.
Setting your personal boundaries lets you create a personal environment that allows for your success.
Plus, the benefits carry over into your work life as well when you set professional boundaries.
You do not need to feel bad about setting boundaries.
This was something I struggled with especially.
I felt like it was a bad thing to tell people that I wouldn’t allow certain things in my space.
That all changed though when I realized one simple thing:
Boundaries are not about placing limits on others.
You are 100% entitled to create a space that honors who you are.
You don’t have to feel bad about choosing not to participate in things that don’t align with the life you want to live.
Setting boundaries is about creating space for your own success.
Without boundaries, people might walk all over you.
Not surprisingly, people don’t always respect boundaries.
There could be a few reasons for this:
Maybe they don’t know where the established boundaries are.
Maybe they don’t know how to respect boundaries.
Maybe they just don’t care about your boundaries
Either way, when you can learn how to set personal boundaries successfully, you won’t have to put up with things you don’t want to anymore.
2. The best boundaries are based on your core values.
Knowing your core values plays an essential role in being able to find and set your boundaries.
Your core values are the bedrock of who you are. When you know your values, you know who are at your core.
And, on the flip side, knowing your values also lets you know who you are not.
Knowing your core values helps determine what you are not willing to compromise on.
When you have a deep understanding of your values, you have a better idea of what you don’t want to allow in your space.
An example:
One of my core values is authenticity.
Knowing that I value authenticity helps me set boundaries because I know I only want people and things in my space that don’t make me compromise that value (i.e. fake people need not apply).
If I didn’t know authenticity was a core value, I might be more willing to let inauthentic people in my life.
When you have people in your space that don’t align with or respect what you value, you can get caught up in managing their drama instead of on what’s best for you.
To help you find your most important personal values, you can use this definitive guide to finding your values.
Finding your core values makes it so much easier to set your boundaries. It also will help when filling out the setting boundaries worksheet below.
3. Finding Your Boundaries
As mentioned above, your core values are the starting place for finding your boundaries.
When your boundaries are aligned with your values, they are aligned with your core, and are extremely powerful.
Turning your core values into personal boundaries has a few simple steps.
For each of your core values, you want to figure out these three things:
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What will you allow in your space given this value?
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What will you tolerate in your space (but don’t like) given this value?
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What won’t you allow in your space given this value?
This is where the setting boundaries worksheet I created comes in.
This boundary worksheet helps you keep track of your boundaries related to each value.
Using my value of authenticity as an example, we can see:
・I allow people into my space who are authentic and tell the truth.
・I don’t allow people in my space if they lie or are dishonest - that is something I clearly move away from.
Converting authenticity into a boundary is straightforward for me, but there are some values that have more wiggle room than others.
Setting your boundaries is really about you deciding what works for you and what doesn’t.
Sometimes, you might let a person cross a boundary because of something else they bring to the relationship.
Boundary setting is not black and white. There are many shades of gray, all driving by personal preference.
Context is also key.
Your boundaries in relationships might be different depending on if it they are personal relationship boundaries or boundaries in a work relationship.
Many times at work, the organizational culture drives the environment so those boundaries come first.
The closer you are with someone, though, the more important it becomes to set and communicate the boundaries that you need for success.
Whatever your values are, converting them into boundaries gives you a basis for setting boundaries in relationships, setting boundaries at work, or anywhere else.
4. Tools & Worksheets
Next Steps On Your Journey
Each step in the 10 Steps to Happiness gives actionable steps with full guides, tools, and videos to help guide you along your path to true Happily Ever After.
Step Three in the 10 Steps to Happiness includes the full guide, the Building Boundaries Worksheet and the accompanying video to help guide you in:
setting your boundaries
constructively navigating what happens when someone in your life crosses one of your boundaries - as it is bound to happen!
Individual steps are available for $30 per step, with no further commitment.