When To Let Go


As we move through our lives, there are thousands of people who walk with us along the way. One of my favorite sayings is, “People are with us for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Some people are here just for a few minutes to teach us a lesson, others are with us as wonderful companions for a lifetime.

For those who aren’t with us for a lifetime, it is important to know when to let go of those relationships. Knowing when to let go is even more important as you step into your superpower since your personal growth can mean the process of letting others go may be accelerated. When you start to own your authentic self, there are going to be people who aren’t able to make that journey with you.

when to let go

A big part of owning our superpowers are clearing the stories and wounds we have accumulated over the years - our scrap heaps. In Clear Yourself we talked about the different scrap heaps that keep us from our highest successes:

  • the intellectual scrap heap, with behavior patterns like inability to learn from mistakes, or a lack of accountability,

  • the emotional scrap heap, which holds all the residue of emotions we haven’t processed over the years,

  • the energetic scrap heap, that includes childhood wounds, family entanglements and other limiting invisible forces.

While we develop our scrap heaps as shields to keep us safe, in reality they hold us back from living our superpowers and living a good life. As you work to clear your scrap heaps and break free of old patterns, your growth may appear threatening to others. They might not be as keen as you are on working through their own baggage, and your doing so makes their own scrap heaps much more apparent.

For the people walking with you now, you have to ask yourself, “is this someone who is willing and able to make the journey to my best self with me?”

Some people might be willing, but not able. They might have behavior patterns that keep them from upholding their commitment along the way.

Some people might be able, but not willing. They see the road of personal growth you are on, and they decide it just isn’t one they want to walk. They are okay with their stories and behaviors as they are now.

Either way, there is no judgment - just acceptance of where you each are on your respective journeys. We are each worthy and deserving of our love, whether we move forward together or not. It is a simple truth of the world: not everyone can make the journey with you.

letting go of others

Being your authentic self amidst society’s chaos is profound and deeply meaningful.

Magical things start to happen in your life that others (and yourself!) may not entirely understand.

The work of transforming yourself and becoming more emboldened in who you are can scare others. People don’t always like it when you start to grow in a new direction.

Experience has shown me that clearing our own scrap heaps, and taking new actions, often results in seeing different and unusual behavior from others. Some people might become ugly towards you- they want to nail your foot to the floor to keep you from moving forward. If you become more successful and take steps towards uncovering your true self, others are then faced with a dilemma:

Do I step into my own success too, or do I hold you in this spot so I don’t have to do anything (because I am afraid)?

Some people will surprise you: they can hold the space for you to transform - either by transforming along with you themselves or by allowing you to move on beyond them. This is not something many people are capable of doing.

Whatever way others perceive you stepping into your best self though, you will have important decisions to make. There are just going to be some people who aren’t able to stay on your bus, whether this is a friend, a spouse, a family member, or someone else.

Is there room on your bus for people who won’t support you wholeheartedly along the way?

Is there room on your bus for people who won’t support you wholeheartedly along the way?

You will have to know when to let go of these people. For some reason, they just can’t make the success journey with you. It isn’t good or bad, it just is. You have to have the courage to let them off the bus at the next stop.

When people react negatively to your commitment to discover and live your superpower, you might hear comments like these: “She has gotten too big for her britches,” or “I don’t even know who you are any more.” I have heard both and then some. It is important that you not be baited by the comments or hold it against the person. The person saying such things is scared. What they are voicing is more about them than it is about you. You also don’t have to live with it though. If this person isn’t someone who can make the superpower journey with you, that is fine. It just means it might be time to let them go their own way.

While these occurrences are hard on the soul, they are the signs that you are doing the real work of your life. You have to have the courage to surround yourself with people who love you, care about you and want the best for you, as well the courage to acknowledge when to let go of those who aren’t willing to do that. It isn’t easy, but you are more than superpowerful enough to do it.

Keep soaring higher!

Tomi Llama

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